With my first pregnancy, I had to kick Emme out 41 weeks into pregnancy. She was snug as a bug in there and didn’t want to come out! I was having prodromal labor that was exhausting me and I got to the point where I knew I needed to get the show on the road or else I wouldn’t have any energy to make it through active labor. (click here to read it!)
Going into my second, I just figured Wes would be late. But he wasn’t! He came at 39 weeks and surprised me. (click here to read it!)
So for my third, I thought if the second one was early, this one would probably come early too. During my 37th week midwife appointment, I was 2cm and 60% effaced. I started having contractions off and on during that week too. I packed my hospital bag, cleaned up my room and the bassinet at the bottom of our bed and got my birthing altar all set up. On my birthing altar, aka my dresser, I put up photos of when I had Emme and Wes, my birthing affirmation cards, and set out my ‘tools’ for labor like my TENs unit, my essential oils, a sleep mask, my headphones, among a few other things. I was convinced this baby was going to come early.
During my 38th week, I again had contractions off and on. This time though, I tried not to get too excited and pay them too much attention. I had done a lot, I mean A LOT, of self reflection before this birth and one thing I knew I did with the other two that I needed to NOT do this time was to give early labor too much attention. I truly believe that I exhausted myself and set myself up for failure by paying too much mind to it. So this time, I really kept an open mind, a positive mindset, and tried to go on about my day. With trying to tie up 980234 things at work + running after 2 other kids, that wasn’t hard to do.
Into my 39th week, my contractions really stopped. I honestly felt closer to labor in week 37 and 38 than I did in 39. When I went to my chiropractor appointment during my 39th week, he was shocked I was still pregnant. He and I both! I ended up having a virtual midwife appointment that week, so I’m not sure how dilated I was, but I know I had to be slowly opening up. My hips for the last 3 weeks had felt like they were splitting open!
The day before my official due date, I wasn’t feeling anything at all. It was the middle of winter, cold as heck, and I knew I needed to be more active and walk around – but with covid and the cold, I wasn’t going anywhere.
So that day, I tried to be up on my feet as much as I could. We had taken the Christmas decorations down the day before and I really was in the cooking mood. I made a big mushroom lasagna, chicken piccata, and then two different brownies (one I could eat and one that I knew Josh would love). I bounced on my birthing ball and tried to stretch out my hips as much as I could. I spent the whole day in my jammies and played with Emme and Wes.
January 17th, 2022 was not only a full moon, but when a big snow storm was to hit. It started snowing hard on the 16th and by the middle of the night we had several inches of snow on the ground. The next day was Martin Luther King Jr Day, so many people had off school and work so the snow plows weren’t as hustled to get everything cleared. I had hoped that the full moon + the snow storm and change in the barometric pressure would help get labor started, but given that 3-5% of women actually give birth ON their due date, I figured there was no way that I’d have the baby that day. I went to bed with intentions of getting up the next day, working, and going about the day as I would any other Monday morning.
The Begining of Labor
But at 4:30am I woke up with strong contractions. I didn’t time them specifically, but I noticed by 5am I had had 4 of them. I got up and went pee and then laid back down. Trying to go back to sleep, they kept coming and they were definitely different and stronger than the ones I had had in weeks prior. At 5:30am I texted my doula and my mom just giving them a heads up. I got out my heating pad and put it on my back. This really felt nice and helped. I laid there doing a 4 count in and an 8 count out breath- just trying to relax and go back to sleep. With my other labors, they had stopped and started so I just assumed that if I relaxed enough I’d fall back asleep and it would probably stop.
But they didn’t stop! And honestly, as I laid there, all I could think about was eating a sandwich. I was really hungry. So I got up and went downstairs.
Pulling my sandwich grill out, I made a sandwich and timed a few contractions. They seemed to be about 1 min in length and coming every 5 mins. While my sandwiches were cooking, I went into the bathroom and that’s when I knew this show was definitely hitting the road! My underwear was all bloody!
At 6:50am I called my mom while bouncing on my birthing ball and eating a sandwich. I alerted her that she didn’t need to come over right away, but she should probably start getting up and have dad shovel the driveway because I was definitely in labor. She was going to come and watch Emme and Wes while we went to the hospital. After I hung up with my mom, I called my doula to let her know as well!
Agreeing that I should continue to try to just ignore labor until I couldn’t anymore, I sat down at my kitchen table to paint my nails. In all of my analysis of my two prior births, one thing that I identified as more than likely being the driver of me getting an epidural was laboring at the hospital too long. For both births I pretty much had my whole active labor there. With Emme, they gave me pitocin and with Wes, my water had partially broken so once they fully broke it then active labor started. My doula and I had talked about it and we decided that staying home as long as I could was the best idea given that I really wanted to try for a natural birth. The hospital is about 40 minutes from my house, so we had said that once contractions were about 3 mins apart then that would be a good time to go to the hospital.
After I painted my nails, I went up and told Josh he should probably get up. It was 7:30 and my contractions were a steady 5 mins apart and had been for well over an hour. He got up and headed outside to shovel the 7-8 inches of snow and I headed into the shower.
Now, with water and labor, if it’s not true labor then this could have been a catalyst for having it stop or slow down (which it has done in previous births of mine). But this time, it was the opposite. As I was in the shower, I started having STRONG contractions. Contractions that I couldn’t just breath through but I needed to audibly moan through. This is when I knew things were really getting real.
I spent a while in the shower and upon getting out I knew I needed to let my mom know to hurry up. I called her about 8 am and told her that she should get over here as soon as she could. Josh came up to check on me and I asked him to help put my TENs unit on my back.
If you have never used a TENs unit in labor, you’re missing out. I use my TENs unit on my knees, hips, back, etc to help my psoriatic arthritis so it only makes sense that I’d use a TENs unit during labor! My friend Krista first told me about it during my first pregnancy and I’ve since then bought one and let others borrow it for their labors. If you don’t have a TENs unit, I highly suggest you get one! (this is the one I have)
Emme woke up shortly after that and ran into my room. As I was trying to breathe through contractions she kept asking me questions and asking me for breakfast. I felt bad because she had no idea what was going on and probably thought I was just ignoring her. I told her that I was going to be going to the hospital to get our baby that day and she laughed and said, “Noooo no you aren’t. God has to tell us when their birthday will be!” When I told her that God had said it was going to be that day, she got so excited!!!!
By 9 am my contractions were 3 mins apart and I knew that once my mom got there I needed to get in the car. The roads were NOT looking good and I didn’t want to chance it. I figured it’d take us a bit longer to get there and at this point it seemed that every hour they were a minute closer together.
I called the hospital to let them know I was going to be heading over their way, but every time I called I got the voicemail! I left a message and then continued focusing on my contractions. My parents got to our house at 9:15 am and by 9:20 am Josh and I were heading out to the hospital.
Off To The Hospital
Getting ready for this birth, I made 3 different playlists (Zen, Celine Dion, Nahko). In my previous births, I had gone with hypnobirthing soundtracks and really relaxing music. On the way to the hospital with Wes, I listened to Celine Dion. So not knowing the mood I’d be in that day, I wanted to be prepared.
I got in the backseat on top of a towel (in case my water broke) and turned on my Celine Dion Birthing playlist. I knew that I was going to need to be distracted on the way there, so what better way to sing to Celine between surges.
Labor in the car was something that I was worried about beforehand. I hadn’t ever been in active labor before in the car and I knew, staying home until 3 mins apart, I’d be well into labor during the car ride. While it was snowing and the roads were not great at all, I tried to only concern myself with getting through each one as it arrived.
As I was singing along and moaning through each surge, my water broke around 9:30 am. And perfectly timed too, as I was singing “I Surrender”. What better way to surrender to labor than to relax and have your water break! After my water broke, I remembered that I hadn’t officially talked to anyone at the hospital and I wasn’t even sure if they knew I was on my way. So I called my midwife’s office and told Diane, the awesome receptionist at the office, that I was on my way.
Now, you might think to yourself, many women’s water break during labor on their way to the hospital – this isn’t something that’s truly noteworthy. But for me, my water fully breaking on its own IS noteworthy. One fear I identified from my previous births was that I held on to the false belief that my body wouldn’t progress through labor unassisted. With Emme, I had prodromal labor for 2 days prior and I ended up getting pitocin to get the party started. With Wes, my water partially broke and labor kept starting and stopping until I went to the hospital and had them fully break my water. Then, even after that, my labor stalled after I got an epidural and I needed pitocin to get it started again. I feared that my body couldn’t just do it on my own.
I really tried to work on this irrational fear. I knew that my body could do it on its own, but I was trying to put it on my own time table. Trying to meditate on it, I meditated on visualizing my birth the way that I wanted it to go and have it fully going on it’s own. I can say that I definitely was in a better mindset the day I went into labor than several weeks prior, but I can’t say I FULLY believed my body could do it – and this worried me. Worried me because I feared this would hold my body back. But after the morning I had where I was progressing quickly AND then I saw my body break it’s water on its own – I was really starting to believe in my body. Really starting to believe that I could do this on my own!
We got to the hospital around 10 am and everybody in the lobby was staring at me while I moaned through a contraction. Getting in the elevator, we headed up to the 4th floor where we bumped into the midwife on call walking to labor and delivery. Upon walking in, they immediately took me to room 4404.
Since my Grandpa passed away in 2015, numbers have always been something that’s tied me to him. Like when I walked into the church for my wedding and the clock said 3:33 or when I’m feeling stressed or panic’d and I look at the clock and it says 12:12. There are so many times in my life that I’ll see repeating numbers and it comforts me because it makes me feel like my Grandpa is with me and he’s saying everything will be ok. Leading up to this labor, I had seen repeating numbers EVERYWHERE. I knew he was with me leading up and helping me prepare. As they wheeled me into the room, I made a note of the suite number because I knew all the 4’s were him saying hi and that he was watching over me.
We got into the room and my midwife asked me if I’d like to have an exam to see how far along I was. I agreed and after the check she let me know I was 6cm, 90% effaced and -1 station. My immediate reaction was “damn it” and everybody in the room looked at me stunned. My nurse said no no this is great! Don’t be upset about that! And she was right- I was happy, but to be honest the way I was feeling I was hoping I was closer to the end and that I was just going to check into the hospital and pop this baby out HAHA!
Starting to set up my birth space, Josh went down to move our car since he had left it right at the front door. I pulled out my birthing mantra cards that my friend Amy made me during my first pregnancy, my speaker and then immediately regretted leaving my diffuser at home. While we were hurrying out the door I told Josh to leave it because it wasn’t fitting in my bag.
Josh came back up and I was bouncing on a birthing ball trying to get into a relaxed mindset in this hospital setting. It was at this point that I got the bad news that my doula wasn’t going to be able to make it to the hospital. The roads weren’t the best and where she lives in the city the plow trucks hadn’t even been through yet.
I’m not going to lie – this started to panic me. Fear and doubt crept into my mind as I looked around the room. It was me and Josh. And a nurse that came in periodically to check on me. This is not a scenario I had prepared for and I know Josh was not equipped to give me the support I needed. DO NOT get me wrong, he is an amazing partner and support, but he had never been with me unmedicated during active labor before.
In all my assessment of my previous births I knew I needed to heavily rely on my doula to 1) counter pressure the surges and push on my hips 2) guide me through any movement changes I might need or should do to keep labor progressing and 3) (and probably most importantly) help me, as best as I can, try to stay relaxed.
It was at that moment that I prayed that God would let me know how best to proceed with this birth.
As all these thoughts raced in my mind, the anesthesiologist came into the room (was that a sign?!). She said she knew I didn’t want an epidural, but thought it’d be best to get paperwork signed in case I changed my mind and wanted to get it in the heat of the moment. Going through the list of complications that could occur and how an epidural would be placed if I chose to get one, I couldn’t concentrate. My mind just kept thinking about the birth I wanted and the current situation I was in. I looked over at Josh who looked like a deer in headlights and just squeezed the shit out of his hand every surge I had. By the time she was done going through her checklist, I knew in my heart what to do. I told her that I wanted one and that she should get it set up.
11:30 am I started getting my epidural. I’m not going to lie, I did start to question my choice at this point because it took forever. Unfortunately, the first attempt to put it in was unsuccessful and she hit spinal fluid. So then they had to hold pressure on it for a while to try to get it to close up and then attempt it again. By the time it was totally in it was almost 12:30 pm.
Surges getting stronger and stronger and not being able to move because of getting the epidural – I started squeezing Josh’s hand harder and harder and questioning every life choice. (He later commended me on my strength because he said he thought I was going to break his hand haha!) I knew I was getting close to go time because I couldn’t stop shaking – which is something that happened to me with my first two births as well.
By 1:15 pm I was fully dilated BUT I could NOT feel ANYTHING. I mean, I couldn’t feel anything at all. Once the epidural kicked in, it started working way too well. In fact, I couldn’t wait for the whole thing to be over so that they could shut the damn thing off because I HATED the way I was feeling.
Turning down the epidural, we waited a bit before I pushed so that I could at least feel something. At this point, I knew go time was coming up and I started thinking about what playlist I wanted playing while our new baby entered the world. (Something I know would have never crossed my mind had I not had an epidural) I ended up combining 2 of my playlists into one and picked my favorite songs from each. It was a mix of my Zen playlist and my Celine playlist.
Meeting Our Baby
At 2:20 pm everything was in place, I could feel a bit more of my body and my midwife told me to push. I took a deep breath in and started to push. She told me to stop mid push and hold my breath. She then told me to do a small push and then a quick breath out – and the baby was OUT.
I was in SHOCK. Wait- what?! The baby is already out?! HOW? I pushed for less than 30 seconds. It was BARELY 2:21 pm.
Holding the baby up, my midwife said- what is it mama?!
Looking down, still in shock the baby was out, I saw it was a boy and then was even MORE in shock.
The baby was out?! It’s a BOY?!?!?!
I had been convinced – I mean, CONVINCED, this baby was a girl. So my face was like WHAAATTTT?!!?!
At 6 pounds 12 ounces and 20 inches long, Kieran Richard Croner came out prompt and efficient!
And I’m sure you’re wondering what song was playing, right? It was Celine Dion’s To Love You More. As he laid on my chest, The Canadian Tenors Hallelujah started playing and, in my world, everything was right.
The only other notable thing that occurred was after delivery my nurse and midwife thought I potentially had a blood clot in my uterus. Because I’ve had an issue with blood clots in the past, this was cause for concern. So they ended up giving me morphine and pressed super duper hard on my belly trying to get me to pass it. Well, after they did this for a bit, they then realized it was just my bladder SUPER full. Aka I really had to pee. So after I peed, they said it wasn’t there anymore and an ultrasound confirmed there was no blood clot.
So going into this labor, I wanted a natural birth. But I ended up with 1) an epidural and then 2) morphine. Go figure.
In the end, I’m so happy our little boy is here. And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.
Loving On Kieran
I think labor and delivery is seriously the coolest thing on the planet. There is nothing else, in my book, that comes so close to being a single act of love. I mean – you grow life and then literally birth out love into the world. HOW COOL IS THAT?!
If I didn’t have to be pregnant for 9 months and throw up daily for at least 7 of those months, I’d have 10 kids.
After the fact, Josh thanked me for getting the epidural. He said it was really hard for him to see me in pain and that he didn’t know how best to help me. So getting it let him relax and enjoy the birth and not be so worried.
So did I get my natural birth? Nope. But, I don’t regret my choice to get the epidural knowing that it helped Josh enjoy the birth of our son as well.
As for Emme and Wes? Well, they’re absolutely obsessed with their new little brother. Emme did say she wanted a sister, but quickly got over it after meeting Kieran. The 24 hours we spent at the hospital had to be the hardest 24 hours for Emme. She was losing patience and wanted to meet her baby ASAP.
With Wes, Emme set up a birthday party for us when we got home with my parents. So for Kieran, she did the same. Coming home, we had a nice celebration and dinner and the kids got to hold and gush over their new sibling. Watching them love on him is the cutest thing in the entire world. I know they’re going to be the best big sister and brother ever.
God is great!
